You got back from a golf trip last week and now you’re getting a round in at your home course. You just broke 90 at two top-100 courses, so you figure you’re guaranteed to get around your home track in even par.
You pull up and the disappointment sets in before you even get out of the car as you find yourself wanting to leave your bag at the bag drop, only to realize that the bag drop is your eventual parking space. There’s nobody to load your clubs up on a cart. Nobody to greet you. You’re a stranger in your own land.
You get into the pro shop and peruse the merch while you’re waiting in line to check in. You suddenly find yourself appalled by the club’s logo and dissatisfied with the overall selection. Where are the custom towels? The seven different varieties of quarter zips?
You get to the counter to check yourself in. Last week they would have known you were coming and you wouldn’t have had to repeat your name three times. You’ve been playing here for the last nine years but who’s counting? You grab a scorecard, a boring beige pencil, and a handful of unbranded white tees that will mark up your driver, and sulk out of the shop dreaming of greener pastures.
You have about an hour and a half before your tee time. You figured you’d have a nice breakfast in the clubhouse to fuel up for the round. But clubhouse is closed and they only serve hot dogs even at 9am.
That’s ok though. Just some extra time to warm up. You head to the range and start to loosen up. You want to close your eyes and pretend that you’re hitting off grass and not mats from 2002. That you’re hitting branded Chrome Softs and not ten-year-old yellow Pinnacles with more scuff marks than a Greg Maddux sinker. After ten minutes you start to feel ill from the range balls and the unsightly landing area that looks more like a war zone than a golf facility.
You head to the bathroom still wearing your golf glove so as not to touch anything with bare hands. You hold your breath the entire time, remembering the minty fresh smell of the bathroom you spent thirty peaceful minutes in before last week’s round.
You get out of there and head to the first tee. The tee box markers are just blocks of wood with a thin line painted on them. Did these get donated by a high school woodshop class? They don’t hold a candle to last week’s. You pull out your phone and look at your wallpaper of you and your buddies, drivers in hand, smiles on your faces, and flanked by tee box markers that Michelangelo himself would be envious of.
As you make small talk with the starter, confirming your name one more time, you find yourself longing for a pre round speech. To be told about the signature holes, a couple of canned one-liners, and that breakfast balls are on him.
You get through a few holes and you’re a million over. You’re not sure what’s wrong with you today. The bad range balls could have something to do with it. Or it could be that you’re guessing yardages in your GPS-less cart. And the greens aren’t helping anyone. What are they rolling today, a nine? What a joke. You can’t putt on single digit stimps. You can’t. You won’t.
The sand in the four bunkers you’ve been in on the first three holes seems to be of varying depths and consistencies. The rakes are green and black plastic rather than the wood that the golf gods intended. The flagsticks are flimsy and cheap. You make someone else pull the pin for the entire round so you don’t have to touch it.
You finish your round just under the six hour mark. You throw your clubs back in your trunk and head home, deciding to pass on the same clubhouse hot dogs that were sitting in the warmer before you teed off.
You make the sad and lonely drive home, daydreaming of chilled towels, branded water bottles, and someone cleaning your clubs after the round.
The pain fades in time. Eventually you’ll readjust to normal life. And so you dance in an endless cycle of exuberance and disappointment.
Fortunately, there’s only one known treatment.
Fairways & Dreams helps groups plan custom golf trips built around how they actually travel, play, and spend time together. From destination recommendations and lodging selection to tee times and trip coordination, we handle the details so your group can focus on the golf.
Golf is hard. Golf trips should be easy.